| I'm not gonna be a pussy and post the "Best of the Decade" shit I've been seeing in newspapers and on the internet, since I lived 10 of the most prime years of my life on the last 10. It may as well be "The best of my life" in that case.
Hmm... Actually....
Things that have happened since 1999:
-Moved to Saskatoon (2001)
-Became an internet pirate (2003)
-Lost my virginity (2003)
-Fell in love, fell out of love (2003)
-In that order, suckas!
-Turned 18 (2005)
-Graduated High School (2005)
-Moved out/became independant (2005)
-Got accepted into university (2005)
-Legal Drinking age (2006)
-Made this placeholder update (2009) | comments: Leave a comment   |
| I learned a couple things tonight. I learned that a Johnny Walker Black Label on the rocks costs 17.50 in Toronto. I learned that Beily's is actually a pretty good bar as far as alcohol inventory goes. I learned that I'm working my way toward being a better bartender than the ones I saw tonight. I also learned some things about my mom that I never cared to learn.
Tonight, my mom, my sister and I went out for dinner and drinks in Toronto. We went for a hella good Italian dinner at a place called Terroni's (sounds like a mash-up of my first and last names, haha), which was awesome. We had a bottle of wine with dinner, and had a solid meal, then we hit up a place called The Drake Hotel for drinks afterward. It was a sweet ass hotel, but the bar and basement were packed with 20- and 30-somethings living it up. The downstairs was a club that had a DJ busting out some psy-trance, trip-hop, basically whatever he was feeling... That was pretty awesome. I couldn't get over how expensive the drinks were though. seriously, it was $11.50 for a Jagerbomb. At Beily's, where they overcharge for redbull, that'd come out to $9.50. I had 4 or 5 drinks, not even enough to get me drunk, and I was looking after my mom and sister after that.
At one point, my sister and I went downstairs to go dancing. The DJ was pretty good, the crowd could've been hyper... err... more hype... Time went on and my sister went upstairs to go check on our mom, who was being hit on by a trio of 30-something bros-nessmen. Now... this is a weird place for me, because 1) I don't really care to interfere with somebody's personal life, but she's married (separated, and I'm pretty sure working towards a divorce) 2) Though I feel that everybody's should enjoy their sexuality, I REEEEEEALLY don't want to know what my mom is up to in that regard. and 3) Have you ever had to pull one of your parents away from making out with somebody at a bar after they've had too much to drink? I don't care how you slice it, that's a fucked-up role reversal.
I don't want to get into it, but my mom is cruising towards another divorce, one I saw coming a couple years ago. I'm not going to chide her for it, but I offered her this advice: seek closure before pursuing anything new. I really hope she follows that advice.
Since that was fucked up, I'll turn this into a double-digest.
During my stay in Toronto, I had some friends come to the City to visit me, go shopping, etc... which was exciting, since the vast majority of my holiday was spent with family. I love my family, but we are different people altogether. I don't mean we're all unique, I mean that I'm different from them as a collective. I have to turn myself down, censor out the swearing, mute out the controversy, and generally try to be a G-rated version of myself. I can only take so much of that before I need to let my personality breathe some fresh air. I could post infinitely about how I really want to have a drag-out, blood on the floor, screaming debate about values with my family, but that's subject matter for another day. I had some friends come to the city to save my life from the vortex of family planning.
My friends Kyle, John, and John's brother, Jason drove in from Guelph on a short-notice, no planning spontaneous get-together, and it was the epitome of a gong show. I was shopping with my mom when I got the phone call that they had arrived, so I rushed back to my sister's condo to help get them get settled. They showed up at the condo building, and we proceeded to enter underground parking. Then I remembered we needed a permit, so I suggested we go back outside to wait while I get the permit. The problem with this plan is that my sister's condo complex is on security lockdown like a goddamned level in DOOM. They have cameras everywhere around the complex, and they didn't recognize the car we were in, so they LOCKED US IN. I got out of the car, ran outside while another car was entering, and talked to the security woman about getting a visitor's parking pass.
Guard: "Tenant's name?"
Me: "Rachel Roenspies, she's my sister."
Guard: "... I don't have a record of that person living here."
Me: "Well, she's been living here for 2 months now, so you might want to look into that."
Guard: "What suite is she in?"
Me: "1408."
Guard: "What's the number I can phone to verify you as a guest?"
Me: "I have my sister's work number, will that work?"
Guard: "No, since she's not in the registry. I need to phone the suite to check your ID."
Me: "That won't work, nobody's up there right now."
Guard: "Okay, I'll let it slide this one time, let's get the rest of the info."
Me: "Awesome, thanks a ton." (Yeah, I'm a polite tool)
Guard: "Alright. What's the make of the car you're parking?"
Me: "... ... I dunno."
Guard: "You don't know the make of the car you got out of 2 minutes ago?"
Me: "... ... No. I think it's a Toyota" (She writes this down)
Guard: "Okay... License plate number?"
Me: "...... I don't know."
(Guard stares at me for a minute)
Guard: "Is the car from Ontario? Do you at least know that?"
Me: " Yes. It's from Ontario. That I know. I'm going to get that plate info now. I'll be right back"
(Guard shakes her head)
So I run back to the car, get the info, and let everybody know what's up. They're packing a bowl for when we finally get parked. I run back to the front desk.
Guard: "Is that car the "Toyota?"" She asks, pointing at my friend's chevrolet on a camera display.
Me: "Uh... Yeah... I gapped that one."
She hand me the permit and explains it to me like I'm a retard. We go to park again. It takes my friend Kyle about 15 minutes of trials to get the car pulled into a spot (The parking is cramped and narrow, Kyle's car is wide). We start smoking up. We realize we're in a highly trafficked and highly visible area. We decide to park in a different spot 4 spaces down. It takes my friend Kyle about 10 more minutes of trials, a 10-point turn, waiting for oncoming vehicles to get out of the way, and more trials to get parked again. We start smoking up more. Now, at the height of our high, we step out into the parking garage, and try to find a way up to the surface, so that we can shop, get food, and find a bathroom. That's when things get ridiculous.
ALL THE DOORS LEADING INSIDE ARE LOCKED. From INSIDE the parking garage full of cameras, all the doors to the complex, even those to the lobby are locked. There was a buzzer to ring up to the suites, but nobody was home anyways. So we actually had to find a way to escape the parking garage. We found a door labelled EXIT, and assumed it would lead outside, because what the fuck else could "Exit" mean, right? WRONG. The door lead to a nondescript corridor, and the "Exit" door locked behind us, forcing us forward. The corridor lead to a courtyard, at the heart of the complex. John, being the quickest of us asked nobody in particular:
John: "Do you think one of us should stop the door from..." (Door locks behind us)
Kyle: "What are we going to do now?"
John: "Tony, you just earned like... 5 slaps from this"
We all looked around, and we were seemingly fucked. We were locked in the courtyard in the middle of the condo buildings, with the only door leading to it locked behind us. And we had no keys, and nobody to rescue us from this situation. And we reeked of weed. And we were already sketchy as fuck to the security personnel. So what did we do? I looked to my friend John, who understood what I was thinking.
Me: "We're going to have to scale some fences to get out of here."
John: "You just earned another 5 slaps."
Me: "Well, let's just get this over with fast so we can stop being so fucking sketchy ASAP"
Kyle: "I hate you Tony."
Jason: "Sooooo many slaps."
So the four of us climb over these two bigass metal security gates in broad daylight, into a street where people are watching. I wondered what I'd think if I saw four ragged dudes climbing over a security fence, from a luxurious condo building. Then I remembered that there were cameras everywhere around the complex, and that we were probably being watched while parking twice (hahahaha), trying to find an exit, and escaping.
Only then, did we start our day in the city. I love my friends. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I just spent the last hour reading up on Noam Chomsky and lightbulbs to clear myself of doubts that my views could be unjustified regarding my apathy towards trivial interactions at 613 in the week before I left. Allow me to unfurl my rug of explanation, so that you may sit upon it, and warm to my skepticism.
As I have read, a disclaimer is not so much presented as information for the reader, but protection for the author. SO, I disclaim: I have nothing against the matters I dismissed, I just believe that what I was presented was an unconcluded thought, and was left at that. And so I dismissed them. It's basically dismissing a dismissal. A disregard. Even that was unnecessarily murky as an explanation, so I'll dive in.
I was sitting around tonight, just thinking about books - specifically the Dark Tower graphic novels (Which are fucking SPECTACULAR, by the way), and the thought gave rise to a brief exchange I had with Nicole Kinney. She was reading a book called "As The World Burns". I asked her what it was about, as it appeared to be about environmentalism, a plight I have respect for, but I have to see that it is being handled properly. So I asked her what the book is like. She replied by reading me a page of the book while showing me the illustrations (The book was written in graphic novel format I guess), I never looked into it, which is probably a bad thing since the book looked pretty good. I got caught up on how she explained it. I saw that there were facts on recycling presented in the book, Nicole elaborated "The author is like Noam Chomsky... Do you know Noam Chomsky?" I admitted I knew little, mainly that he was a political activist who speaks about media. She continued "Well, the author is like Noam Chomsky, only more cynical." Then I got confused, which she saw. I don't know how she interpreted my reaction, but she kinda just played me off.
I just finished reading about Noam chomsky on wikipedia, and my generalization about him was dead on. My problem is that I was seeking information, and got kinda brushed off when she could've kept explaining until we had a common understanding of what I thought the book was about. At the point when she cut the conversation off, we were on the same level of understanding, her explanation wasn't what I was looking for though. I knew who Noam Chomsky was, and I know what cynicism is. That doesn't tell me what the book is about. Upon reading just one paragraph of a review of said graphic novel:
"It's a retelling of the classic "Rome burning while Nero fiddles" story, except now it's the earth that's burning while the human race fiddles. In this case our fiddling consists of all the great ideas and plans that have been proposed as the means to save the planet from our destructive behaviour, and the burning is the death of the planet. While it may sound good in theory to change all your light-bulbs, recycle aluminum and tin cans, walk more and drive less, and buy goods with less packaging, the truth is the actual impact is so negligible that you may as well not bother. The only people benefiting are the manufactures of the light bulbs, and the owners of recycling plants."
I find that the subject matter is something I hold dear to my heart: Why bother with a struggle when a more powerful entity is actively undermining your efforts before you begin? Which plays into my second anecdote.
Braden and I had a small argument about lightbulbs, namely which kind we should purchase, compact fluorescent bulbs (coil/energy efficient type) or incandescent. He argued that we should get fluorescent, as they are better for the environment. My counterpoint was threefold: 1) That it's been proven for them to actually be more energy efficient, you have to leave the lights on for long periods, which we don't do. 2) The light we needed it for was a dimming light, we could turn an incandescent down to save on energy, whereas fluorescent bulbs can't be dimmed in the light, nor do they emit much light by comparison. 3) In the same room, we have 3 TVs which are regular usage, even if it's just for music.
I felt that I presented a much stronger case, and that the third point actually negated any energy efficiency, as efforts could be made to make much more drastic cuts for the sake of environmentalism. I'm pretty sure he scorned me under his breath around the corner. I really don't feel that it was fair, but I didn't say anything, since I'm really not trying hard to improve the world short of recycling and picking up litter occasionally. I feel that I'm not being hypocritical in my arguments, as they do reflect my beliefs, but I feel like I got the short end of the stick, as Braden may still hold it against me.
In fact, I believe he does, not unreasonably, as I just spent the last hour and a half researching conversational blurbs to justify my beliefs and then type about it. I hold the opinion that anything I am capable of recalling with that clarity, anybody else involved is capable of. This is why I try to clear up minute, trivial matters where I was wrong. Not incorrect, but wrong. The difference being shunning somebody's opinion or contribution where it would otherwise be constructive. This is why I'm still thinking about Cass, even now, a million miles away. I have to grill myself as to whether or not the way I behaved was just. I'm bought her some kick-ass perfume for christmas, something I know she'll love, because I want that for her. At the same time, balancing that with the manner in which we stopped having intimate relations (Abrupt), brings about some super grey areas. I wanted time to think about it, but she forced my hand. Now I'm wondering if it was what I truly wanted, or if I supplicated to expedience. At the time, it was the right thing to do, then, when there was an imminent deadline. I made a snap decision face-to-face, with little time to explain and justify my position to her, and to hear hers in return. It boiled down to how we felt at the time, not a willingness to try to develop feelings. It was a decision made based on things unsaid. It was a bad situation because of mutual lack of communication and commitment.
That said, I still want to keep sleeping with her, but this window's been cracked open, and I've caught a glimpse of this world of raw potential. The familiar is comforting, and a future untethered is a promising future indeed, full of misdeeds, lust, and a renewed vigor for self-improvement. It must be, to me, that whatever is most easily committed to by the mind is indeed the truest path for what I believe. It's pretty hard to convince yourself of something you don't believe in.
That said, I have to laugh, since I willingly attended church (Catholic) for the traditional Christmas eve mass, my family towing me. It was interesting, since I sang a couple songs (hymns?) to humor my family, and I sat there analyzing every motherfucking word that priest said. What I took from it is an affirmation of everything I believe regarding god. I won't go into details, but rest assured, I'm still hardcore atheistic. when the time came to pray, I thought of things I covered in his post, and extensions thereof. I thought on Cass, and on Dave. I thought on simply being there for people, if they would have me. I'm pretty sure Jesus was just a dude who was trying to help people, but then he shit-talked caesar and subsequently got his shit ruined for it. I'm still confounded by people who think that some dissenter will be their eternal saviour, and heaven, etc... Jesus and the metaphysical have nothing to do with one another, other than the fact that 2000 years ago people hardly knew about how the world actually worked.
I'm gonna cut this short before I go on a tirade about universal mortality and ignorance. Religion makes my blood boil sometimes, but sometimes it's not all BS and god. I guess tolerance is a virtue.
Quote of the month: "I pulled some strings so that Thomas could carry the baby Jesus, I've got connections"-My aunt, to another family member
PS: Dave, I'm sending you out a christmas parcel, so I'll need your mailing info. I might not be able to send it out until I get back to S'toon (I'm in Toronto atm) since I'm only beginning my holiday shopping now. Yes, I'm that slack, but who doesn't love presents in January? Hahaha. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Since my last post was a disjointed piece of shit, this is an addendum to the garbled nonsense of... yesterday.
I'm in Ontario over the Christmas holidays, trying to catch up with any friends that may be here in the area as well as spending time with my mom, sister, cousins, aunts, and uncles. Not to mention grandparents. My grandpa is making some insanely potent and smooth eggnog, I'm looking forward to drinking some of that with him, and just kinda sitting there, absorbing his old man knowledge/wisdom. I'm pretty sure that each year that passes gives me a renewed capacity for appreciation of age. Or maybe it's just that my grandparents and I are beginning to have more and more in common. I hope that it's not just appreciation of aged alcohols. With the time I've spent apart from Cass and the continual self-reminder to buy her a christmas gift, it makes me delve deep, and wonder about that whole situation. Perhaps the fact that I'm enveloped in highly traditional love from all the refined holiday cheer. Maybe I was influenced by the conversation I had with that Indian woman I was sitting next to. Oh I didn't mention?
My flight out to Ontario started out alright, the leg from Saskatoon to Calgary (yes, Calgary. I travelled the wrong direction to get onto a connecting flight goint to Toronto, gotta love time economy vs. money). We were delayed for 2 hours on the runway in Calgary. 2 hour delay + 5 hour flight x (Tired, lucid Tony)/(Hangover conversation abilities) = talking to this Indian/Canadian woman for like... 4 hours straight. She seemed kind of agitated, and asked if she could use my phone to place a call. I let her, even though it was probably gonna be long distance charges. Then she let off a barrage of intense eastern... I dunno what language. I guess she was phoning her kids to tell them something. She asked to make one more call to her husband, which I also allowed. Afterward, we started talking and kinda didn't stop until I fell asleep. She was highly anxious about several things, and I guess needed an outlet to vent. Some highlights of the conversation include:
-She immigrated to Canada from motherfucking Dubai, India. In India, she was a physician, participated in an arranged marriage, had 3 kids and was apparently in the upper caste. She had several servants and maids in her home and lived with her ENTIRE extended family. Like... lived with her servants, husband, mom, dad, kids, and more.
-Her worrying about being screwed over by her travel agent, who she booked her 2700$+ flight from.
-Her worrying about feeling bad that she was leaving her kids and husband behind for the trip, since it would make her a bad wife and mother (!)
-Her worrying about her family's perceptions of her taking time away from her family to make the trip
-Her worrying about whether or not she made the right decision emigrating from India, where she was well-off, to Canada, where it would be a harder, different life.
-Talking about beliefs and values that we hold
(If you couldn't tell, she was pretty worried about a lot of shit)
And yeah, we kinda exchanged life stories on the fly, as it were. I related all kinds of strange anecdotes about childhood, high school, generosity, philosophy, and awesomeness. She told me all about her life and it was actually fascinating, juxtaposing my life with that of somebody who grew up completely differently than me. Her views were sooo different, and her English was... if not broken, at least bent out of its normal framework. It was pretty awesome having a transient friend. Over the course of the flight, she kept leaning in a bit closer. My imagination was entertaining me even when the conversation got a bit dry. I kept daydreaming about her being like "Thanks for listening", rubbing my groin and giving me a handjob in the airplane bathroom. That was a pretty awesome mental image, albeit unrealistic. I mean... She couldn't go 10 minutes without fretting about her family, there was no way she could wring out my juices like an empty tube of toothpaste. So I kept going back into the conversation, delivering analogies unheard of in India.
Oh shit, emergency Wal-mart trip for last-second shopping. brb with more post later. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Well, this has been an interesting last week. I guess I'll start with Cass. Originally, I was planning on talking to her, getting her to see where she's at, taking Christmas to see how I feel about our... relationship? I still don't know what to call it. Anyways, we sat down and talked about it again. She wanted closure for better or for worse before holidays began. The question on my mind was how she felt about me. She said that she doesn't. It was actually a relief for me to hear those words, assuming they were honest, and not dissociated. My biggest fear was that she was falling in love with me and I'd be unable to reciprocate. I figured we should salvage a friendship out of the months upon months of great sex instead of a flaming ruin that is my sexual wake. I proposed that if we are to stay friends though, we should stop having sex. I don't plan on hooking up with anybody in the near future, so I don't see jealousy being a problem. I do see some possible problems coming up, but I'll be damned if I can hammer them down firmly enough to name them. For now I'm just going to try to be single, to live for me, to improve myself and be as unlimited as possible. Christ, this must read like I'm a piece of shit.
I dunno what the fuck is going to happen, but truth be told I like it this way.
A funny thing happened on the way to Christmas... Work got fucking BUSY. like... I went from dead broke after paying rent, to being broke until December 18th, to now having 400+$. I was pessimistic about my present purchasing power, especially since I have the ability to go shopping in Toronto. I have the means to get the minimal 'mount o' gifts for the people I'm exalting this year. If I could, I'd buy everybody the rankest shit imaginable, but it's like ghetto Christmas this year. I'll have to practice being nicer in the off-season. I'm going to stick with my original plan, and think about shit over the holidays. Oh shit, and I'm compiling a Year-in-review post. It'll be more of an awards list than paragraph format, so it's not all long and drawn out like this pile of post. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
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